Witching Hour

Wee! The Ladytron concert in Chicago is Friday night and I'm psyched. Favorite band + favorite city + favorite people = fun times. It's my first electroclash concert so I don't even really know what to expect. I'm so excited! I'm so...scared!*

*Clearly, I have been watching too much Saved By The Bell on Adult Swim.

Coca-Cola Yukk

One of the adorable tykes on Wonder Showzen responded to the question "What is heaven?" with "A new product!", and I have to say I usually agree.

But not this time. I'm looking at you Coca-Cola Blak.

I shilled out the $1.79 for you for no other reason other than that you are new and, for at least the time being, somewhat culturally relevant. Plus I like caffeine and so-called energy drinks and will eventually just make my life easier and start wheeling around a Diet Red Bull IV with me. You started out spicy and interesting, like a better tasting Vanilla Coke infused with coffee, but then that aftertaste hits you and bleeearghhkkk. I was liking you and then all of a sudden I realized that finishing the teeny eight-ounce bottle would be a formidable challenge. And really, who cares when I could spend less money on a shot of espresso that doesn't taste like it was mixed with three-day-old Coke?

Moral of the story? Unlike the farmer and the cowman, the Coke and the coffee should not be friends.

Blah. White.

Television Without Pity is running a brief interview with Black. White. creator R.J. Cutler. It's nothing particularly revealing, but it's fun to see some of the thought that went into developing the show.

I like that he acknowledges the difficulty with the makeup, since I still think it looks fakey mcfake at least half of the time. Though I will admit that I did find myself saying, "Hey that's pretty convincing" more often as the show progressed. He kind of downplays the seemingly high level of producer intervention, which is something I think could have benefitted the show more in general--a more transparent breaking down of the fourth wall. But at least Cutler reveals what they said to the peripheral characters about the camera crew. That's been a nuisance of mine since the first ep. And I totally forgot he did that American High show that no one watched except me. And I think I only watched the first episode, come to think of it. Good show, though...maybe.

Edited to add: Did anyone else watch the BW finale tonight? Because, yaaawn. I feel bad for being so bored. There just wasn't much there. It was like, poetry reading, museum, hiking, blah blah journey not a destination blah talking blah something. Then eighty-seven hours later the families moved out. It would be interesting to see a follow-up or reunion type show. That would put better closure on the series.

Kids Say the Awesomest Things

I think I made one of the best decisions in my life this past weekend. And that decision was to purchase season one of MTV2's Wonder Showzen (né Kids Show) on DVD.

It's...wow. A beautiful thing. If you haven't seen it, go to YouTube and search for clips. You will not be disappointed. There are so many good segments. I particularly enjoy "Q & A", in which kids respond to simply worded questions. ("What is heaven?", "That's where drunk daddies drive to!") Also of note are the could-be-straight-from Sesame Street stock footage clips of factories with scathing cultural commentary by the kids. (At a TV dinner factory: "Chicken genocide! Chicken Darfur!"). The "Beat Kids" and Clarence sketches are also awkwardly hilarious.

MTV2 is currently airing the second season of Wonder Showzen, and I'm happy to report that all of the offensiveness and funny are still there. Watch it. Or God will rip your face off...and feed it to a goat.

The Freshmaker: Lit Trends, Lifestyle Outlooks and Lucky Charms

Fresh: Investigative pseudo-journalism
Fresh last week: Snarky Chicklit
Stale: Authorship hoaxes

Fresh: Superficiality for aestheticism's sake
Fresh last week: Superficiality for irony's sake
Stale: Superficiality for elitism's sake

Fresh: The purple horseshoes
Fresh last week: The green clovers
Stale: The red balloons

Battle of the Network Reality Timeslots

Recent rescheduling of The Amazing Race from it's Tuesday timeslot to Wednesdays at 8 pm is forcing reality show fans like myself (who don't watch the cultural schlock that is Crapmerican Crapdol) to choose between CBS's TAR and UPN's America's Next Top Model. I'm not a huge fan of rational choice approaches to life, but it might help to objectively weigh the pros and cons of each program.

The Amazing Race
Hosted by lovely and snarky Phil Keoghan (+5), who makes questionable wardrobe choices at times (-1)

All the fun of pretty locations and international travel (+2)

The top two teams this season, the frats and hippies, are the Tool Lords of Toolsylvania in the nation of Toolzbekistan. (-7)

Boring challenges (-2)

But, hey, no kids this time! (+2)

All three all-female teams being eliminated before the halfway mark (-3)

That motherfucking Travelocity gnome (-4) and the ridiculous product placement in general (-3)

Total: -11

America's Next Top Model
Hosted by crazy Tyra (+4), but also features grating "runway coach" Miss J. Alexander (-3).

Predictable eliminations, such as last week's riddance of the token no-personality personality girl (-6), but thankfully there's no no-chance-in-hell plus size model this season (+2)

This season's manipulative villain, a drag queen hag named Jade (+3)

Guest appearances by Janice (+4)

Seeing these girls' feelings of self-worth torn to shreds week after week (+6)

Tyra's "acting" (-2)

Nicole's "acting" every week in the "My Life as a Cover Girl" segments (+2 for unintended comedy)

Total: +10

Well, Amazing Race, unless half of your current cast chooses a Detour that involves driving off of a cliff ("This Detour option will cause death, but teams will complete the task quickly"), I guess I'll be seeing you during the Top Model commercials.

Novelty Pleasure o' the Week

Despite the apparent just-barely-controversy surrounding it, and also ignoring the general tiredness of the song, I have to say that Bubba Sparzxzxxs&8cx's video for "Ms. New Booty" has to be my favorite thing on television at the moment. (Not counting the ads for Slither which look freakin sweet.)

For me, infomercial parodies are always comic gold. Especially when the product information on the side states "Fixes that stuff up!!" Enjoy the video while its novelty lasts, because it's going to get really annoying in, oh, let's say a week tops. But at least the song and video are filling the post-"Humps" void because, Christ, can anyone stand that song any more?

Personal Me-sus

Normally I don't go for the whole personality type thing, especially since my psychology background almost requires it of me. I've taken the Meyers-Briggs before with disappointing, unmemorable results. But I took it recently and just got the results back, and I was actually somewhat pleased. I think I finally found a four-letter combination that describes me at least a little.

Here is a relatively poor but interesting description of my type. Here is another one relating to how I supposedly function in relationships which I think it more than a tad accurate. What what, conflict avoidance and a constant need for praise.

So is it all crap? Probably. (I'm really middle-of-the-road when it comes to intro/extroversion and judging/perceiving.) But it's fun, and this is the first time I've had fun with it. And at least it's better than that damn test where I'm a shepherd.

Black. Wha?

So it's become a weekly mini-tradition for me and my residents to watch FX's Black. White. and discuss everything from racism at an institutional level to omigod, this white woman is a raving lunatic. But I'm finding that I can't get over some logistics of the show.

Most significant: so I get that the families change races with makeup and go out into "real-life" situations (this is "reality" programming, après tout) where the people with whom they interact aren't clued in to the gimmick unless the family member outs her or himself. So, the big show-wrecking question for me is, what are they thinking the cameras are there for? I mean, I don't know how I would act in the situation, but if I saw someone with (a) suspiciously cakey skin, (b) a noticeable discomfort and (c) a bloody camera crew, I would be more than a little weirded out. What are these people thinking? There has to be some producer intervention, which kind of takes away from the show.

I suppose regardless of the logistics and the whole problematic nature of BW (Blackface much?), it's pretty entertaining, and it seems to get people talking. I'm more or less hooked and I'm curious as to where the show's going.

Random Movie Thoughts

Here is a collection of movies I've seen recently with some fairly haphazard thoughts.

Rent
Pretty much what I expected. It was fun since it has been an eternity since I last listened to the soundtrack or even really thought of the musical. Some of the songs were a little on the unbearable side, and Allison and I managed to hold an extended conversation at the beginning of the movie out of sheer disinterest. Sarah Silverman is grossly underused, too. But not that bad, really.

Pretty Persuasion
Started off really funny and then an hour later, not so much with the funny. Evan Rachel Wood does a great job though. And I guess...that's about it. Interesting assortment of characters but not really that memorable or compelling. Ron Livingston's always nice to see, though.

Night Watch
The beginning was so violent I almost called it quits right there but now I'm glad I stuck around. The subtitle trickery was really clever and the whole style of the movie was just wow. One of the plot points in particular falls with a big, anticlimactic thud, but other than that it was way fun. I'll definitely see the sequels.

Eraserhead
Exactly what you'd expect from David Lynch's first big filmmaking effort and more. Weird, creepy, startling and confounding. And that baby thing is just gross.

Storytelling
Not Solondz's best, I have to say. Happiness and Palindromes, for all of their bizarre characters and plot turns, are much more entertaining and present something more cohesive. The first story is much more affecting than the second and I wish more time was devoted to the former. Strangers With Candy fave Tammi Littlenut has a brief appearance in the first half, too, which was a pleasant surprise.

Fop Secret

I just don't know what to think of PostSecret. I mean, it's definitely entertaining. I would be lying if I told you I didn't check the updates every Monday morning at work. But it's just so...emo, for lack of a better word. No, come to think of it that's just the right word. The plug in the All-American Rejects video kind of helped that along, too. I mean I know they do good work for suicide prevention. The whole thing just kind of makes me roll my eyes sometimes, especially with all the media coverage of the site now.

So does it make me a superficial person to say I just like the funny ones? Or the funky artsy ones? Or the honest to God horribly immoral ones? (The card on stealing money from the non-profit org comes to mind.)

And don't get me wrong. I've entertained the thought of making my own card and sending it in. But...bleh. I can't imagine getting a rush of emotion from doing it. There would be no value at least on a cathartic level, but I do suppose it's helpful for some people. And I just can't shake this feeling of, hey, maybe we as a society should just start being more open with each other rather than anonymously glueing stuff to postcards. You know?

It Rocks, Evidently

I will be spending this weekend in sunny and beautiful Cleveland for a work-related conference. Most if not all of my past exposure to Ohio has consisted of driving the turnpike to PA, so I'm hoping this trip improves my opinion of the state as a whole. Cause really all I can go off of is flatness and agoraphobia-inducing rest stops.

The con is at Case Western Reserve which, as my research tells me, boasts such alumni as the Russo brothers who are the directors of Arrested Development, and presidential almost-candidate Dennis Kucinich. That's two points for you, Cleveland, but you'll have to show me what else you got.

John Waters: The Recent Stuff

Cry-Baby
The Plot: Set in the fifties, Johnny Depp is a high school rebel who sings a lot, gets put in jail, and then sings some more. And stuff.

From reading reviews on the internets, this seems to be the least liked of Waters's films. I thought it was kinda fun in a ridiculously PG-rated sort of way. It's a musical which gets a bleh from me right away, but Depp and the supporting characters did a good job. And the final scene provides just the right amount of Wha...what the hell? to keep it from going totally flat. Entertaining, but Waters really should have just done Hairspray and called it a day. Fortunately for us all he moved on to...

Serial Mom
The Plot: Kathleen Turner is a wife, homemaker, and mother of two who, while appearing Stepfordian in every way, has a secret, murderous side that becomes all the more suspicious when folks in the neighborhood keep turning up dead.

Oh God, definitely one of my favorites. I would argue that this is Waters's gayest movie, too. You can't get more queer than a crazy Kathleen Turner beating Patty Hearst to death with a phone for wearing white shoes after Labor Day. Turner just takes this movie and fucking runs with it, and it's great to watch. Not too cutesy, not too vile. Perfect, murderous, movie harmony.

Pecker
The plot: Edward Furlong comes from a working class family, takes some pictures, has an annoying girlfriend, becomes famous, and we all learn a lesson about life or something.

Blech. Worst of Waters, no question. Even at a brief eightyish minutes I was bored out of my mind and managed to check my email, Facebook and Myspace multiple times during the movie. There was no Waters edge at all. Nor was it particularly funny or risque. Just a predictable, poor and trashy versus rich and snobby comedy. Ricci was flat. Not a horrible movie altogether, but disappointing fare from a director who we know is capable of much more.

Cecil B. Demented
The plot: Underground terrorist/director Cecil B. Demented and his followers kidnap a shrill, obnoxious actress (who is not supposed to be anything like the real Melanie Griffith AT ALL) and force her to star in their latest film, which is more or less a reckless fuck-you to mainstream cinema.

Maybe it's because I watched this one right after Pecker but I thoroughly enjoyed myself. What a fun movie. Even the presence of Melanie Griffith didn't ruin much. (For the most part.) And Maggie Gyllenhaal is so cute as the Satanic makeup artist. The cast had a very "young, up and coming actors of six years ago" feel (Alicia Witt and Adrian Grenier, much?) but managed to do well anyway. Predictable but fun.

A Dirty Shame
The plot: After a head injury, Tracey Ullman becomes a nymphomaniac and together with her buxom daughter and a band of merry perverts, try to spread their message of sexual liberation throughout conservative Baltimore.

I refrained from watching this one since I saw it last year when it was out in theaters, and really that was enough. I remember being amused, especially during the Hokey Pokey scene, but Knoxville just wasn't that great and Tracey Ullman and Selma Blair (along with all of the assorted sexual deviants) had to carry what was left of the movie. Funny gags, and undoubtedly better than Pecker, but that's about it. Bad ending, too.

More Swag

Look at the stop sign stickers you can get off of Glarkware! The best one by far is the Vanilla Ice homage, but the Smiths shout-out is a close second. Would anyone be up for a night of petty vandalizing and, presumably, drinking? Watch out Ann Arbor, cause you're about to get FACED*.

*Okay, not really. But it's a fun idea anyway.

Threadless Swag

Omigod, I owe my life to Jai for giving me the early heads-up on the Threadless $10 sale.

Everyone should go there and order a sweet shirt and show your support for the site and the designers. But you're not allowed to get this or this or this, because those are the ones I just ordered. Although I absolutely love this illustrated shout out to the linguistically dorky among us.

Threadless is one of those things that is still underappreciated enough that you can go up to someone wearing a shirt and be all "Threadless?" and they're all "Shyeah." And then you feel all cool. I love moments like those.

The Freshmaker: Ragamuffins, Reality TV Gimmicks and Rather Inessential Kitchen Utensils

Fresh: Cameron Bright
Fresh last week: Spencer Breslin
Stale: Dakota Fanning

Fresh: Brain swapping
Fresh last week: Race swapping
Stale: Wife swapping

Fresh: Melon ballers
Fresh last week: Apple corers
Stale: Whisks

Bee Arr Bee

This is just a heads up that there probably won't be any posts for a little while (probably through this week) in hopefully what is a not-so-futile attempt to get my life back in order. Thanks.

Showy Chloe

So, I promise this will be the last Project Runway post. For a while. Maybe.

Our beloved Chloe Dao deservedly took the crown much to everyone's surprise. All of the collections had problems, but I certainly liked hers the best. It was risky, granted, but I think she had the high fashion feel that Daniel and Santino lacked. Plus, girl is cute! If I wore dresses, I would buy one of hers in a hot second.

I think her win is all the better since she undoubtedly had the best personality of the trio. Daniel just got so tiring by the end and Santino, sad story or not, is Santino.

Great job, Bravo on a compelling follow-up to the first season. Don't screw it up in Season 3!

Bad Fashion Wednesday

Like, OMG. This is like the craziest teevee night ever. Tonight is the premiere of America's Next Top Model and the finale of Project Runway. I can hardly contain myself! You might remember that they did the reverse of this programming last December with the crappy finale of ANTM (Boo, Nicole) and the premiere of PR. This is an eventful reality month with the decent start of The Amazing Race as well. It's a good thing I stopped watching The Apprentice after that season when Ivana took her skirt off. (Did anything else happen that season? Or in the two seasons since? No? Okay then.)

Going by the episode title of ANTM, it looks like the modellettes will be challenged to pose sans cheveux for their first shoot. That should be awesome to say the least.

The BooYay: Oscars Edition

Yay for Charlize for fugging it up to the fugstreme. For God sakes, someone had to do it. And someone besides you, Hillary Swank.

Boo for the totally unsurprising acting wins. More like Philip Seysnore Hoffman. Zing!

Boo on the montages for being even more inessential this year than in years previous. What was that one in the middle of the show even about? The best title I could come up with was, "Montage of, Like, Issues...In Movies".

Yay for Three 6 Mafia for taking Best Song. I mean, whoa! Black people rapping and winning awards for it! Crazy! This is such a big deal! Let's talk about it for the rest of the show because of it's sheer craziness!

Boo on me for being the only one in the free world who finds Clooney more smarmy than charmy. Stop it with the eyebrow waggling already.

Yay for Ryan Phillipe for cracking my shit up with the intensity during Reese's acceptance speech. Best Unintentional Comedic Performance by an Oscar Winner's Spouse.

Yay for Jon Stewart for giving it a noble try. I would say that he moved from a C to a B-minus, B through the course of the telecast.

Boo on Brokeback for not taking the Crash approach to Best Picture success. See, instead of two gay cowboys there should have been, say, thirty. And like, instead of being subtle, we could have had every scene about homophobia. So it's all, HOMO! PHOBIA! GAY! LOVE! And then all the characters will learn something about this crazy, mixed-up world. And...cars on fire! Yeah! Now that's a Best Picture!

And finally, yay again for Charlize for providing a multi-faceted, solid performance in North Coun...OH MY GOD THE BOW ATE HER FACE AND IS TAKING OVER AMERICA AAGGHHH!