John Waters Marathon: '70s and '80s

In case you didn't know, I consider myself to be pretty gay. So you can imagine my shame in disclosing recently that I haven't seen any of John Waters's oeuvres save his most recent A Dirty Shame and Hairspray some years back. This is doubly shameful since not only are these landmarks in queer cinema, but it's well known that Waters places all of his films in his hometown of Baltimore which is practically in my backyard back home in PA.

Luckily, thanks to Andrew McB, I have caught up to the rest of the big gay world by watching just about all of Waters's mainstreamish films. Here are my thoughts.

Pink Flamingos
The plot: Trailer-residing, voluptuous Divine competes with the maliciously perverted Connie and Raymond Marbles, a couple in charge of a lesbian baby ring, for the title of "the filthiest people alive".

Wow. I knew it would be strange, but...wow. The chicken scene was awful in every way and I'm still bothered by it. Besides that though, I was pretty entertained. The scene with Divine and Crackers licking everything in the Marbles' house was priceless. And Waters's narration between scenes ("Oh happy day!") had me crying I was laughing so hard. And oh God, Edie the Egg Lady. Classic.

Prior to seeing the Flamingos I just knew it as "the one where Divine eats dog shit". Which, granted, stood out as an excellent conclusion. But now when people talk about that as the most standout, disturbing thing I just want to go, "Um, chicken fucking?". Or what about when Divine's character gives her son a blow job? Dog poo ain't got nothing on that. Great movie though.

Female Trouble
The plot: Divine stars as the contemptible runaway Dawn Davenport who becomes the photogenic muse for a beautician couple despite the efforts of her daughter and mother-in-law to put an end to her reign of terror.

Believe it or not, I watched this one with friend and occasional super-prude Phil. He hated it. I had a great time. (Although he regularly quotes the movie now, so I don't know.)

We leave the bestiality and poo-eating of Pink Flamingos to tackle on issues of child abuse, rape and drug addiction in Female Trouble...with hilarious results! Divine and Edith Massey both make great use of their screen time and help make the film just as disturbing as its predecessor. The make-up is great once again, especially Divine post-acid-in-face. For me the greatness of this movie is the image of Dawn stopping to smile at the Dashers' camera before beating her daughter with a chair. You can't get more corrupt than that.

Best line: Tie between "I'll have an extremely large glass of ice water." and "Fuck no! Fuck homework!"

Desperate Living
The plot: After killing her husband, a psychotic housewife and her maid seek refuge in a village of deviant lesbians ruled by Edith Massey's evil Queen Carlotta.

This was the last one that I watched, so after eight other films I'm surprised I like it as much as I did. The biggest problem is arguably the lack of Divine, which gives all of the actors (Edith Massey excluded) kind of a generic, non-outstanding weirdness. But what the movie lacks in characters, it makes up in sheer depravity and grossness. I couldn't even watch Mole's self-castration through my fingers. I definitely recommend it, but not before the first two.

Polyester
The plot: Beleaguered housewife Francine Fishpaw struggles to keep her sanity and sobriety in the face of her adulterous husband, hateful mother, hussy daughter, and criminally fetishist son. The movie also syncs up with one of those scratch and sniff cards.

This one was kind of hit and miss for me. I think this might be one of my favorite portrayals by Divine and she unquestionably held up the movie. It really just made me feel sad for Divine's Francine. It's kind of a let down seeing her go from her murderously fabulous roles in Flamingos and Trouble to being such a sad, beaten down housewife. And the odorama thing must have been tired even back then. Although this movie gets points for having the only death-by-macrame scene I've ever seen.

Most importantly, seeing this movie solved a longtime mystery for me. I've been a fan of The Avalanches' Since I Left You for a while and I first got into their album after hearing the single "Frontier Psychiatrist". Part of The Avalanches' whole style is random sampling of soundbytes from movies, etc. and the beginning to "Psychiatrist" is the whole dialogue between Francine Fishpaw and the school principal. You know, the whole "Surely expulsion is not the answer!" "I'm afraid expulsion is the only answer". I always wondered what in the hell this was from, but it was one of those things that I never cared about enough to actually go and look up, you know? And, uh, now I know.

Hairspray
The plot: Set in the early '60s, zaftig teen Tracy Turnblad gets a spot on Baltimore's local dance show and sets her sights on its policy of segregation.

This is the only early movie that I actually have seen albeit many years ago. How can you not love this movie? And I don't know if it was the mood I was in but I actually cried at one point. (Why yes. I am that gay.) It's just so cute! Ricki Lake and Divine are just adorable. The dancing is fun. Michael St. Vincent is a fox. And Debbie Fucking Harry plays one of the villians. You can't get more queer than that. And Vitamin C? Who fucking knew? Must-see, if only because it has since become a Broadway musical and cultural milestone.

Waters in the nineties and beyond coming soon.